ramblings of a drama queen.

hsc trials are probably the worst things ive ever faced.
hardly no time to prepare..

yesterday i wrote notes from 9:30AM till 8:30PM
and a few days before that i wrote notes from 3:30PM till 9PM
AND IM STILL NOT DONE.
lame @ me for choosing hard subjects.

oh well.
i feel pretty confident eventhough im not finished...

and was just studying my UAC guide...
and looks like i'll have to go to ACU.
-cries-

once again, im constantly being let down by people. and they dont even realise it. today i actually spoke my mind about a matter that was affecting me; but the person involved didnt even seem to realise how much it actually hurt me. this made me realise im probably the most closed person you'll ever meet. everyone who knows me will disagree - but thats because you DONT know me. the inner workings of my brain are never exposed. im just some tart who enjoys the simple things in life; thats what everybody thinks. but that is so amazingly wrong. i have to learn how to open up. i need to learn how to open up. its not a matter of not telling people how i feel anymore. its a matter of my friends growing a distance from me because my mood swings are so sporatic they don't know whether im going to be happy, angry, cute, angry, wild...

its all my fault. the way im feeling. i understand this.


what an emo blog -.-

sweet chiled out weekend.

friday;
+ finished school. came home. finished food tech assessment.
+watched big brother fnl.
+went to bed
oh so eventful.

saturday;
+went formal dress shopping. turned out to be more difficult than expected. did NOT find what i want. so i came home and bidded on another dress on ebay. fingers crossed its mine. i put in a huge max bid. no fucker would pay that much for it haha.
+went to the movies. finally met the infamous boy. had a rad time, in fact. transformers was basically AWESOME. such a guys movie, but i dont care. it fucking owned. 
+drive home, we remembered the curfew. pretty much shat ourselves. us girls in the backseat hid under the seat the entire ride home. i was crying and almost threw up. haha. i think this curfew is the dumbest thing in the whole entire world. seriously, its going to cause so many problems for teenages; LIKE WE DONT HAVE ENOUGH AS IT IS.
+went to sleep at about 2AM trying to finish the Half Blood Prince.

sunday;
+woke up early and kept reading half blood prince all day until it was time for my harry potter movie date :]
+was grilled by dad as to if it was a romantic date. hahahha.
+watched the movie. once again. fucking awesome !
+came home and continued reading. ALMOST FINISHED (Y) cant wait to start the new one. except i already know what goes down thanks to that stupid whore on myspace. fuck you slut.

+ sick of the fucking cold weather. i have a steaming hot shower, and as soon as i turn the water off, i am absolutely freezing again. fuck winter, bring on summer PLEASE

+ bell for roll call rings and we go off to roll call, and there was the cutest plumber guy working on a drain outside the room. i walked past him about 6 times just to check him out. and i smiled at him. i wanted to talk to him but workers in the school aren't allowed to confer with students. pretty lame i say. he had some potential.

+ i was teacher for a double food technology class. was fun. we made rude words on the board with the words that were already there. i made cunt out of country. (Y) i fair fuckin' clever.

+ worked out that there must be a pressure fold of skin in a vagina; and when touched it makes you need to pee. i got kneeded right up the vagina, from behind, and as soon as it hit, i almost peed my pants. kind of graphic, but i think ive made a discovery. haha.

+ got briefed on what i have to do for the deputy general or education tomorrow. basically i just have to eat (Y) im pretty stoked. free lunch.

+ came home to leopard print pajamas on my bed. they are so fuckin' great.

+++ i do not understand her. or him. or the other one. hes apparantly talking about me? and ive never even met him? and its putting a strain on mine and hers friendship because she is getting jealous. and now im supposed to go out with them all on sat night. man. its going to be awkward. but she'll be upset if i dont go.

so today was my second day of the last term of my life. feels good to say that. as much as i love school im so damn over it. 

+ she was having dramas with the guys in her life again. i tried to make her realise that she's not doing anything wrong, but she really needs to see from all perspectives. i think she got angry at me. tried to make me feel guilty. really hurt me, cos i just tried to help her. especially when ive heard from the other side too, and know things she may not. ohwell, i guess its not her fault; shes stressed.

+ wanted to kick that guy in the head. fuck, can't he get it through his head that i pretty much can't stand him butting in consistantly! especially when i was having an awesome d&m. fuckfuckfuck.

+ felt WAY violated at lunch. he shoved the gross dudes head in my crotch. ASIF I INVITE RANDOM DUDES TO STICK THEIR HEADS IN MY CROTCH. i almost threw up. literally. i was gagging. GAGGING.

+ fuckin' prefect duties. had to take time out of my studying (-cough-) tonight to go into school to hand out booklets at the year 8 into 9 information evening. and the parents aren't even thankful. some are such fuckin' rude bitches. just because they are senior doesn't mean they know all. and they try and rule their childrens lives. stop living vicariously through your children. LET THEM LIVE. since being a prefect and having to go to these evenings, ive felt so damn sorry for those kids who cant make decisions about how their life is going to pan out, because their parents do it for them. "i want you to have what i didn't" - but what if your kid doesn't want that. listen to them. they have voices too.
and now i also have to give up 2 periods on friday for some random dude from parliament. and i haven't checked my diary, but you can bet that i have double maths. which means ill be 325464354 exercises behind AGAIN. fuck.

+ on a positive note, i basically finished my food tech assessment except for my package. and we got an extension on that AND pdhpe. and i think we may get one for english. ow ow owwww. thank god for those netball girls :]

+ and laurie just showed me his new haircut! what a freakin' babe, i say. 


"One night and one more time,
Thanks for the memories,
Even though they weren't so great,
He tastes like you, only sweeter,
One night, yea, one more time,
Thanks for the memories,
Thanks for the memories,
See, he tastes like you, only sweeter.

They say I only think,
In the form of crunching numbers,
In hotel rooms, collecting Page Six lovers,
Get me out of my mind, and get you out of those clothes.
Im a liner away from getting you into the mood."
                                         - thnks fr th mmrs - fall out boy (diggin' this song right now)